Abortion and rebirth

The 1st May 1990 was the first day of my life. I was 39 years old. I had better explain: My life up until this point was characterised by fear, worry and shame. I had a difficult marriage, two children and we were constantly in debt. I tried to cover the pain and emptiness I felt inside by going out on the town, drinking and drinking some more. I was outwardly the good-time girl but inside I was dead. Finally, finding myself pregnant again after our second child, I couldn't cope and was advised to have an abortion. This seemed like the answer but no one warned me about the guilt, shame and depression I would experience afterwards.

As a little girl I had gone to church occasionally - Christmas and Easter mainly - but it had not really meant anything much except that the stained glass windows in the church fascinated me - I felt the man on the cross drawing me to him.

I went to hear Rita Nightingale, who spoke about her experience of Christ's love and deliverance after she had been falsely accused and sentenced to death in Bangkok. As she spoke, I realised that I was in prison - not behind bars but a prisoner to fear and worry. And to guilt and shame because of the abortion.

My world shattered. I cried and cried. I asked Jesus to take control of my life and he lifted 40 years of troubles and burdens - "Come to me all you who are burdened", he says, "and I will give you rest"

Over the next months and years he helped me get out of debt and stay out. He brought me emotional healing for all the hurts and pain inside. He gave me strength to face up to people. He provided for me (money, a coat when I needed one). He healed me of back and stomach pain. Best of all he set me free from all the guilt and shame I felt, particularly over my abortion. I was forgiven. He showed me too that He had taken my little one home to be with him - Oh the comfort in that!

Now he is always with me. I experience his love and faithfulness every day. I can hardly begin describe the change he has made in me - It's as if I have been born again.